Cop a Squat

SIT IN YOUR PAIN

Many, if not all of us at one time or another in our lives have experienced tumultuous events. Though our events may differ, I’m sure we can agree that the pain is real for each of us. Chances are many of us may have had a hard time or is presently having a hard time recovering from the blow(s) we have endured as a result of the event.

How did the event(s) find us? Truth told, we may find ourself at fault for bringing the painful situation to our doors – or it may be the fault of someone else. In either case, it more often than not causes us damage. For some the event(s) may even be paralyzing. Devastating. If you’re anything like me, you may have had a hard time picking up the pieces of your life. Everything seems out of whack. Sometimes it may feel like your will to live is fleeting with the passing days. I can attest to the anguish of having to face another day, possibly encountering the person(s) that have caused the pain. It may seem like your life will never get back to normal. In essence, it will not. You will have to adapt a new normal. A normal free of the wounds of the past. How can you adapt a new normal you ask? By choosing to get to the core of your pain so that you can be healed.

One of the steps to healing is sitting in the pain. It is a must. Yes, I said sit in the pain. So, go ahead and cop a squat. Sit down. Get comfortable, but not too comfortable. This is just a layover, you’re just visiting – this is not your permanent destination. Do not get too comfortable. I can’t reiterate enough, please do not get too comfortable because you’re coming out of the thing. You’re coming out better, stronger and whole.

I know sitting in the pain seems like a daunting task but it is absolutely positively necessary. Once you sit down, continue to sit no matter how hard it gets, how sad or mad it makes you feel – cop a squat in that hurtful and or angry place. Once there, don’t be so quick to try and fix things – allow yourself to feel the weight of the pain. See it. Taste it. Touch it. Hear it. Smell it. Embrace it. It’s a real thing. It happened. You survived it.

Don’t try to numb the pain. Trying to numb the pain with outside agents – drugs, alcohol, sex etc is an utter waste of time. They are momentary fixes that will lead to other issues over the long run. Be sober and viligant. Stay alert. Watch for triggers and other things that may push you away from the healing process.

YOU CANT HIDE YOUR PAIN

Oftentimes we try to hide the pain by dressing it up – thinking if we look good on the outside no one will know how much of a mess we’re covering up on the inside. No matter how hard we try, we can’t hide the hurt by dressing it up – there isn’t an outfit or any amount of makeup that can cover up the brokenness. There isn’t a big enough house nor an expensive enough car to hide your hurt. Brokenness speaks volumes even when you’re dressed up and quiet. When you’re in your big house or your expensive car your brokenness yet speaks. Therefore acknowledge the pain – embrace it. Cry. Scream. Give yourself permission to feel and mourn the loss. It’s real. The experience is real. The hurt is real. Don’t try to repress it. Choose to address it. Acknowledge the loss. Process the loss. Mourn the loss.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE LOSS

Loss comes in many forms. And it can be a hard pill to swallow. For some, it may be a loss of innocence through sexual abuse. Some may have suffered a loss of a child through death be it natural causes, miscarriage or abortion. Loss may come in the form of a family member or friend’s death. For others, it may be the loss of a relationship or friendship – a divorce. In either case, know that a loss is a loss thus, it has to be acknowledged so that the path to healing can begin.

CHOOSE TO STOP CARRYING THE LOSS

At times it may not seem plausible but there is healing for the loss you’re carrying. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been carrying it. The event may have taken place in childhood, yet that fact doesn’t mean that you can’t and won’t be healed. The process may take a little longer as we often become comfortable carrying the hurts of the past because they have been a constant in our lives. For some it keeps them hosting pity parties and forcing their friends and family to attend. It keeps them at the center of attention. For those that don’t want to remain in victim mode I have good news for you. The good news is, healing and wholeness is available. The heart’s voids and holes can be filled. The wounds can be healed. But, you have to be a willing partner in the healing process. Choose to lay down the loss. Choose to stop carrying it.

BE TRANSFORMED

Transformation comes with a lot of discomfort. It’s a process. Sitting in the pain may take a while. Like I stated before, there is no quick fix. The healing timeline varies case by case. Sadly, we live in a “get it done and over with quickly” society. Sorry, thats not how transformation works. Instant gratification and or microwave results is unrealistic.
The reality is, lots of changes will occur. At times you may feel as though you’ll never recover. You may become alienated from those who were once closest to you. Family and friends may not understand what you are going through because they are not able to identify with your grief and sadness. From time to time you may have little or no energy to face the day. You may often feel lost and unsure. Your head may feel foggy at times – it’s all par for the course. Its part of the healing process. There are levels and stages of grief.

To achieve transformation there is a level of vulnerability that you must have with others. Vulnerability is an important part of the healing journey. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your support system is crucial. Let people you trust help you to navigate the rough terrain you’re facing. It’s going to be hard. It may feel extremely hard to keep going, but whatever you do, don’t abandon yourself or the process. You will get through it. The pain, unsurety and feelings of loss will eventually subside. Be courageous. Be proactive. Be healed.