Underneath the Lies

As someone who used to lie profusely, there were a whole lot of truths buried underneath. You see, a lie is told to keep someone ignorant of the truth. The truth could be a number of things. I’ve learned that secrets and taboos were a big part of my hidden truths.

The “no, I’m not being touched by anyone” lie covered up the fact my uncle, cousin and step-brother were touching me inappropriately. The “I’m okay” lie covered up the truth that I was contemplating suicide and had already attempted a few times.

I bet you if you dig really deep, you’ll find truths in the shadows of the lies you’ve told. No matter how our stories differ from or mirror each other, there is some form of trauma there that takes us back, if only momentarily, to a place where we spouted out lies to bury our truth.

The Shift to Radical Honesty

Choosing to move away from those shadows is a process of Radical Honesty. It isn’t just about telling the truth; it’s about refusing to hide. But I’ve learned that even when you want to be honest, your body sometimes remembers the old danger.

Even now, after I speak my truth, I feel a “danger sensation” in the pit of my stomach. My survival brain expects the punishment that used to come with being seen. I often feel the urge to “take it back,” to slide the mask back on and retreat.

But I’ve reached a point where I finally prefer the discomfort of the truth over the “safety” of the lie. The lie is a prison you have to maintain; the truth is a release.

Advice for the Person Still Hiding

If you are currently living underneath your own lies, know that you aren’t a “bad person”—you are a survivor. When you are ready to start unearthing your truth, remember:

• Start with yourself: You don’t have to tell the world yet. Radical honesty starts by admitting the truth to yourself in the mirror.

• Expect the “Stomach Knot”: Your body will panic when you speak. Breathe through it. This is just your old armor reacting to being set down.

• Trust is earned: You don’t owe your entire story to everyone. Honest boundaries allow you to be truthful (“I’m struggling”) without sharing every detail until you feel safe.

• Forgive the armor: Don’t beat yourself up for the lies you told to stay alive. They got you this far.

The Art of Letting Go

Ultimately, I’ve realized that honesty is an act of release.

Throughout our lives, we will always run across an occasion to let go of something. Be it goals, plans, old shoes or clothes, relationships etcetera, letting go is never easy. The reasons for the disconnect run the gamut, but anguish of letting go is prevalent across the board.

Holding on can be our way of holding tight to an important moment in life or as a way of reminding ourselves of the past. For me, the lies were how I held onto a version of myself that felt “protected.” But by finally letting them go, I am making room for a life lived in the light.

We don’t have to hide anymore.